Friday, 17 August 2007

A ginger beer and a taco

I just found out that Kula Shaker is releasing a new album. I'm sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

Even stranger is that a "Best of" album coming out that includes every track the 'band' has previously released. Surely that then also makes it a "Worst of" album.

Thursday, 9 August 2007

The next thing you know they be denying the existence of Taiwan

Take a look at this and then come back. Don’t worry I’ll wait.

It is obviously ridiculous in any number of ways. Even if you ignore the Emperor’s New Groove jokes (“Yay, I’m a llama again”) my favourite part is the fact that it only comes into effect on September 1st, as if the Chinese Government is a shifty landlord giving notice to the current tenants to vacate the property.

And what happens when the current Dali Lama, assuming he survives until the end of August, dies without gaining all the official paperwork that’s necessary for him to come back? Is he stuck in some kind of ethereal detention centre or does he have the opportunity to try and sneak across the boarder in the back of a sympathetic Hindu’s truck?

If nothing else, the fact that China has felt the need to legislate the ins and outs of something intangible as reincarnation is surely proof, if any were needed, that they’re well on the way to becoming a fully functional Democratic nation.

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Who'd have thought canned meat could be so tasty?

I don’t have an issue with the amount of spam I receive, maybe 2 or 3 emails a day, and the filter on the always excellent Gmail catches them and shuffles them directly into the spam folder. The problem is that the little web daemons that send this stuff out have got so very good at creating emails that I want to open. The titles always sound like things I’d like to do:

“Relax and Take the Time” – Who wouldn’t like to relax and take the time? I don’t know what it is that I’d be taking the time for but in the hectic modern world I’m willing to bet that it strikes a chord with most people. Click to open… Cialis. Hmmm, not really what I was after.

“It may strengthen your relationship with your partner” – Is it a step-by-step guide to improved inter-marital communication? News about an exclusive couples nature retreat? I’d even be interested in a cheap mobile plan… Oh, Cialis. We meet again.

“Join the Millions” – I don’t want to miss out on the next big thing so I’ll just have a quick look… Cialis. I should have seen that coming shouldn’t I?

What ever happened to the good old fashioned, “Do you want a larger P5n1s?” At least you knew where you stood with spam who’s biggest achievement was managing to spell Viagra with more numbers than letters.

And then to really top it off, the emails are all supposedly from people with names so interesting that I’m briefly excited to be receiving communications from them. Charlie Choi sounds like a world-renowned concert Bassoonist. Isiah Ortega and Burl Crocker could easily be part of the starting defensive line for the Miami Dolphins. Polly Ott, Lindsay X. Hannah and Monty Ham I’m pretty sure are members of the nextwave organ-punk revival band Patrick Duffy’s Ghost.

But the one, more than all the others that I hope exists somewhere is Orlando Woodruff. Whether he’s a minor character on the Simpsons, a struggling sous chef working for tips on the Lower East Side or the commander of an underground vigilante group, committed to wiping out over-sized corporate art in all it forms I really hope he exists. If you know him, or know someone who does, maybe you could drop him my email address.