Wednesday, 6 September 2006

Just call me Ash

Robs has a work thing and so isn't home yet. I didn't turn the TV on as I came through the house (I know there's nothing on tonight) and I'm yet to fire up Winamp. The cats are twirling like leaves caught in a drain around my legs as I stand at the kitchen counter dolling out food into their empty bowls. At this moment, do you know the one thing that decides to float through my head at this point?

“I hope there hasn't been an apocalypse and nobody's bothered to tell me”

Its not that I actually think that Mad Max is sitting outside the door waiting to give me a lift to the Thunder Dome (even if he was I wouldn't accept the ride as he'd likely be drunk). Nor do I think that there is even a chance that Strangelove will drop the big one. Its just that this is how I've always imagined it happening. No large bang, no blinding light, not even a distant lone air raid siren. I'm alone, it's night *snap* I'm suddenly a survivor and I don't even notice.

I must emphasize that this isn't a strange fantasy I have nor do I dwell over this, sleeplessly staring at the ceiling waiting for the end. Just when I get caught in a quiet moment I notice that perhaps I should start stockpiling food. Similar to the “Maybe I'm a millionaire?” thought on Sunday when you've forgotten to check your ticket.

Once again I blame my childhood, if in fact there is blame to be assigned. Exposure to Empty World, Night of the Living Dead, Z for Zachariah, When the Wind Blows, the Tripods trilogy... is it any wonder some small part of my brain is left on sentry duty. Having done all the 'research', I've now got a stupid self confidence that I would survive an extinction event. I know not to eat anything other than canned food for at least 50 years, I've scoped out the best places to hoard batteries and, if needed, I've put in enough hours on first-person shooters to be pretty confident of making a headshot about 80% of the time.

I know what you're thinking, “What if we're talking meteor strike and not nuclear bomb or zombie plague?” Not to worry, I've prepared an escape route to make for the high ground. Just be thankful that I had the foresight to watch Deep Impact as well as Armageddon.

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