¡Scorchio Melbourne!

I had to drive into work on Friday and the moment I reached the City I was reminded of why I normally take public transport. Then, as if struggling against the traffic wasn’t bad enough, I was also with out any tapes or my MP3 player so I was reduced to listening to morning radio show banter. The dial constantly shifted as I attempted to find something that my ears didn’t find offensive. Unfunny American comedians/B-actors relating ‘hilarious’ on-set tales from their latest bland Sandler inspired film that they have come to Australia to promote in a final attempt to increase the international box-office sales, cackling self congratulatory minor celebrities who laugh too hard at their own jokes and ugly washed-up musicians who have become radio hosts as a last gasp effort to remain involved in the music business.

Then there’s the music; bland pop anthems about how hard it is to be young that offer no new insight but are hyped as the next Jeff Buckley, repetitive hipity-hop about gettin’ some and terrible covers of Pet Shop Boys songs that would have Neil Tennant spinning in his grave were he dead. I seriously found two different recordings of PSB numbers where the ‘musicians’ behind the number simply got an average female vocalist to sing over the top of a Fisher Price drum machine and a sample of a Casio keyboard. I know that’s not a whole lot different from the original tracks but at least they were being innovative the first time around.

Eventually, I found a Spanish-language news station and was about to skip onwards when I realised that it was the first thing my radio had belched out that didn’t make me want to rip out my auditory nerve. I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed learning that the weather was going to be “la lluvia siguió por el granizo” but it was neutral and non-offensive. In fact the only negative fallout from listening to “Buenos Días Victoria” was that I had a craving for paella all day.

PS - I know that the moment that you start lumping it all together and thinking about all modern music as a single genre it’s a sign that you’re getting old but come on, Maroon 5 have nothing on Fat Gary’s Band.